Most couples come to counseling hoping someone will finally take their side. What they leave with is something better — a way back to each other.

The approach I use is called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, or EFT. It’s one of the most extensively researched methods in marriage counseling, with decades of clinical studies showing it works — not just in the short term, but in lasting change that holds up over time.

But here’s what that means in plain language:

Most marriage conflict isn’t really about the dishes, the finances, or who said what last Tuesday. Underneath those arguments is a deeper question both of you are asking — Am I important to you? Can I count on you? Are we okay? When those questions go unanswered long enough, couples develop patterns of protecting themselves that end up pushing their partner further away.

That’s The Cycle.

EFT works by helping couples identify their Cycle, understand what’s driving it beneath the surface, and learn to reach for each other instead of retreating into the pattern. It shifts the focus from winning arguments to rebuilding the emotional connection your marriage was designed to have.